I have been fit for most of my life.
I started ballet at 4, gymnastics at 5, dabbled in running, hiked,
roller bladed, and swam all summer, and skied all winter. I was voted Girl
Athlete of the Year in 8th grade and competed in and taught gymnastics all throughout my youth, high school life and college life.
Glory Days 1989
I dated a personal trainer for a few
years that had me up early on the weekends to cycle along
the hills along the
Palisades and Hudson River. I took every new exercise class imaginable at
Bally's from Bust your Gut to a step class taught by a HIGHLY energetic male
flight attendant who wore those Richard Simmons striped shorts in pink and
white and had us yelling YEEE HAWW as we swung our air lasso and rode our pretend
horse around the step.
I was never skinny in the fashion
model sense of the word, but at 5"3 and 125 pounds, I filled out my size 4
jeans quite nicely, thank you very much! When I weighed 130, I looked about 118 because
I have always had a lot of muscle, which we all know weighs in more than fat. I am a German bred girl with huge calves like
my Mom, a big bubble butt and muscular thighs which come from my Dad’s side of
the family. I lifted a lot of weights for a time, and could easily bench 125
and 100 max on that peck deck machine thingy. I could leg press a good 225. My
point here is, never in my wildest of dreams, or nightmares did I imagine that
one day I would be wearing a size 14/16 and huffing like a dime store crack ho
just walking up a flight of stairs. Not me!! As if!!!
So what happened?!!? How in BLOODY HELL did I get to be THAT girl in the reflection of my mirror? Holy double chin Bat Girl! Call Michelin I think we found the new spokes person because this girl has plenty of spare tires, yes plural, to share! Wow!!!!!
If only I felt comfortable in white
stretchy pants, hot pink half shirts and flip flops I could easily be one of
those women featured in the “People of Wal-Mart” clips. You know the ones you view
on Facebook where you sit in disbelief that people left the house like that. How
did they let themselves go like that? Do they not own a freaking mirror?!?
Where do you even buy spandex in that size!?!?!?
BODY SNATCHERS!! OMG we must have been
invaded by body snatchers!! My former fit self has been devoured by some
Guinness drinking, chicken wing eating, blue cheese burger and French fry
loving BODY SNATCHING HOOKER!!! She has transformed me from a svelte young
Ellen Barkin in Sea of Love to a puffed up bloated Anna Nicole Smith on a bad binge day!!!
Even my 34 C cup breasts, which I have to say were quite nice, have been
changed into cannon size 38 DD’s. I fear that without intervention these once
bodacious boobies have a future of sagging wearily, and in seeking solace and
warmth will come to rest on the fold of my nearest tummy roll. For the love of
everything good and Holy and how on earth did it all come to this hideous
mess?!!?!
to this 
Sure, I had a baby. I know many
women blame their mommy pouch on their children. I however cannot use this as
an excuse. I puked my freaking guts up for 9 months straight! I could look at
food and puke. I have puked all over Atlanta and its surrounding suburbs. This
is not an exaggeration. I lost about 16 pounds in my first trimester, and then
gained it back, plus six. So essentially, I gained six pounds. I was overweight
and out of shape before I got pregnant, so for me, again, no excuse.
So, after two years of making up
excuses for myself and being tired of looking in the mirror and not recognizing
the fat girl staring back at me I decided to do something about it. September
of 08 ', and I was 37. I started getting up before the crack of dawn to meet
with my girl Keicha three to four times a week for a boot camp class that was
held inside of a roller rink before it opened. We were out running, lifting,
squatting, curling and crunching for an hour and were back home before our
spouses or kids had taken a step out of bed.
I was off to a great start! For
three months we met in the early hours and hit it hard. I was feeling stronger,
getting more toned and finally starting to lose the rolls that had accumulated
around my mid section and settled in like unannounced redneck relatives at a
Thanksgiving feast.
It was December and a new year was
coming. I was going to be ready to take it on by storm. We were going to do
what many parents do and "try" to reproduce another offspring. The
hope was to have another child to run partially naked through my home with my
two year old daughter, giggling and causing a ruckus. Who wouldn’t want that?
Well, actually I know plenty of
people that wouldn’t but that is beside the point.
It so happened that another plan was
in store for me. I was going into a storm alright, and that storm has a name,
cancer. I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer on 1/13/09. Game changer for sure,
but I believe if I had not been working out as much as I was, I would never had
been able to survive the shit storm of chaos I had coming to me. I had my
wake-up call and by the grace of God was given a second chance to ride on this
beautiful tide called life.
I took some time off after cancer,
or AC, and then turned 40 in September of 2011. I vowed that 40 would be my
year to FINALLY get back into shape and start living the healthy life style
that I enjoy. By chance I reconnected
with my girlfriend Jess on Facebook. It seemed we both were on a quest to find
our mojo and clean up our acts, so to speak. Which makes it all the more funny
that being “clean” is the farthest thing we ended up being on our journey to “Lipstick
and Mud Pits”.
No comments:
Post a Comment